Thank You Very Much Please

Place: The Thar Desert

Stepping off yet another Indian bus in the city of Jaisalmer I felt for the first time that I was in India. Seeing the ornately carved sandstone buildings, shadowed by the massive fort encircling Trikuta Hill, the dusty, tan landscape decorated by crunchy green shrubberies, I felt like I had woken up in an Arabian dream. Thanks to the help of a smooth talking 19-year-old who loved his beer, we checked into his family's luxurious (at least for us) hotel with marble floors, Arabian style lamps, and a rooftop restaurant with a view of the fort. The whole atmosphere made be feel like an Indian princess, drinking chi tea while lounging on mirrored cushions, strolling the textile markets with the fort walls, and sailing around the golden archways and temple ruins surrounding Jaisalmer lake.
The city of Jaisalmer is on the far west side of the state of Rajathan, along the border to Pakistan and at the edge of the Thar Desert. One of the main activities for tourists is to mount a camel and trek out into the wilderness. Our hotel, an extensive family run operation similar to the Italian mafia, also owned a camel farm and had cousins who led treks. Go figure. Keeping our money within the family, we signed up for a two day, one night trek into the dunes of the Thar Desert.
It was the most memorable experience thus far on our miniretirment adventures, no so much because of the scenery, but the company. Yes, the natural beauty of the desert is breathtaking, the milky white sand dunes rippling for miles into the horizon, their tips smoking from the constant sand being blown of their crests, but the memorabilia of our trek can be summed up in the eccentric style and hilarious broken English of our three guides.

Our trek included a total of nine people, three girls from China, three guides, and the three of us, or as our guide put it,
"3 American girls, 3 China girls, and 9 Indian mans - 3 man, 6 camels."
Still unable to pronounce the names of our guides, we remember them fondly by their appearances and phrases. The one guiding Megan's camel had a cataracts in one eye, making it milking and bluer than the other. My guide was tan and tall and loved to sing in an extremely high-pitched voice, and Jen's guide wore a white turban over is hideously died orange hair. All three had weather worn skin, black from the sun, rotting brown teeth, and infectious laughs and personalities.
Some of the phrases they loved to say included, "Good camel, very strong" (as if to imply we would need that), "Thank you very much please" (as a way of being totally polite all at once, I guess) Yea sure, why not? (even when it was not an appropriate response) and tacking "You know?" at the end of most statements. Or, my absolute favorite, when they took credit for God's own handiwork in creation. For example:
Guide: You like sand dunes?
Us: Oh yes, they are beautiful.
Guide: Thank you very much please. Stars? You like stars?
Us: Yes, yes, amazing!
Guide: Thank you

or:

Guide: I use flashlight, ok?
Me: Oh yea, that's fine
Guide: Thank you very much please

or:

Us: You are such a good cook! The food is delicious!
Guide: Thank you very much please
Us: How did you make it?
Guide: I make many many times, you know?
Us: Is that a cucumber inside?
Guide: Yea sure, why not

As the sun sank over the sands, we huddle closer and closer to the fire for heat and light. The Chinese girls started a game of guessing a number within a given range until one person got the exact one, then they would have to sing a popular song from their country as punishment. Although he didn't quite grasp the concept, one of our guides attempted to play along.
Us: Ok, say a number between 2 and 20
Guide: 45
Us: No, 2 and 20, like 10, 15
Guide: 200
Us: Er, yes! You win!
And before we finished congratulating him on his guess he burst into a long, high-pitched song in Hindi. When he finished we all burst into applause and cheers.
"Thank you very much please. It's Indian song, you know?" or "It's love song, you know?"
We continued playing for a while, our guide so excited that he would suddenly burst into songs without winning the game, and being the polite tourist that we were, we waited, clapped and applauded as usual until the fire died and the guides came over to prepare our beds and tuck us in.
They layered us with blankets, congratulating us for opting out of a tent, unlike the Chinese girls, because they "Never ever see stars!" (Plus it was less work for them.) Little did we know we would see no stars either, as the entire night would be spend with our entire bodies under the covers to bar against the freezing night desert air.
Once the blanket were set, the guides said goodnight and clicked off the flashlight.

Total darkness.

We heard a crunching sound and gasped and clicked the flashlight on and started shining it one by one at the herd of camels who were residing too close to where we were sleeping. The first camel was sitting, munching loudly on his cud. The next was doing the same, and the one after that, until...BOOM! One was standing and looking right at us. We yelped and hid the light from view. We were right in his pathway should he decided to venture out for a midnight snack.
"Uh, hello?" I called to the guides, "will the camel step on us in the dark?"
"No!" he yelled back, "never ever! Never ever step on tourist."
"Ok, thank you"
"Yes, yes, please."
We flashed the light on the mischievous camel again and he was closer now, the light making his eyes silver. We yelped and hid the light again. We did this for an hour of so, watching the camel inch closer, and closer and wondering if we should sleep in shifts to protect ourselves. We all dosed off eventually, awakened occasionally by the camels munching and farting.
I was grateful when morning came and the guides woke us up with their call of "Chi! CHI!" which indicated a meal was ready.
Still sore from the days ride before ,Megan and I opted to walk alongside the camels for a while, since even at a run they were easy to keep pace with. The guides were very impressed.
"You are very strong. Like camel."
We had our last meal with our beloved guides and there even more beloved chapati before a jeep came to pick us up. We said our goodbyes, left them a tip and our flashlight as a gift, and praised them on what good cooks, guides, and company they were.
They responded, "Thank you very much please."